so I started playing FFXIV recently and am greatly enjoying it. however, I've also been reading the forums and see a lot of people complaining about how rude and abusive the people they meet in random parties are. these threads usually contain at least a few people who point out that this is the internet, which is met by some idealistic bollocks about how the behavior is unacceptable and blah blah blah.
here's the thing: you can say insulting a tank for making mistakes is wrong, you can be totally outraged that there's a screencap of some guy calling some other guy a gay nigger over interrupts on a boss, you can howl and wail at the top of your lungs about the ToS, but you will never be able to change reality. the reality is that there is a single thing you can do to stop this kind of shit; report the players to the support staff. posting on forums means exactly jack. you aren't going to win people to your cause, you're just gonna get people who already agree with you to show up and pat you on the back while people who don't, deride you. no one is going to read that and say to themselves, "huh. maybe it really isn't a good idea to call everyone a faggot all the time. wow!" that will NEVER happen. ever. "welcome to the internet" isn't something that is said to try and defend the actions of people who are clearly in the wrong, it's a reminder that you will see EVERY kind of person, even the ones you don't like or don't want to acknowledge exist. it's a statement that conveys no sympathy for burst bubbles. there are royal dicks out there. a lot of them. people aren't inherently good, nice, respectful individuals.
reporting the offender and leaving the group is basically all you can do. the thing is, it doesn't feel good. it doesn't give you satisfaction to hope that the guy gets a ban. there's no glory in that, no pleasure, no revenge in that. I believe that the kind of person who would moan on a forum about how mean and/or rude people are online is not doing it because they want the behavior to stop. they are doing it because they want to see those who engage in that behavior forcibly silenced. they wish for the digital equivalent of divine judgement to smite these people. when someone joins your pug and goes on a rant about "faggot ass jews" or something similar, it challenges the worldview held by many that people are just generally nice and good by nature. it's an affront to their happy little insulated world they've created for themselves, it reminds them that the living holes in their arguments and ideas still exist.
in fact, this is so traumatic for them that they often end up acting in the exact same manner as the ones they supposedly despise. crying out for their public and obvious punishment, judging their entire life and existence based on a single interaction. declaring them losers, pathetic, scum, or worse who deserve no quarter. they want to see fire from heaven smite the heathens before they can type another message. anything less is simply not doing enough. the hypocrisy doesn't register for them, of course. in fact, I've yet to see anyone in those threads point it out.
and of course no one stops to consider why someone is acting like a complete toolbox, either. oh sure, chances are they've had their fair share of d-bag moments but THOSE were JUSTIFIED and/or FUNNY! when someone else does it though, there's no excuse! they must be 13, living in their mom's basement, 600 pounds, single, a virgin, and a failure at every aspect of their lives. I mean, who else would do something so horrible, right? gotta tell yourself something to feel better than the other person. of course, they're not elitist though.
so, people who get all offended by outrageous behavior in an anonymous environment with 0 consequences: welcome to the internet, where human nature is on display in all its terrible, ugly, and offensive glory. complaining about it won't get you anywhere because people haven't changed since people first existed. report the rule breakers and move on if you're lucky enough to be in a place where there even are rules to break. there are no public executions, so put down the pitchfork.
for everyone else, enjoy your video games.